Hungry for Hockey

It's 12:00... Do you know where your kids are? No, not midnight, I mean noon. Lunchtime. And you have no idea what you want to eat but you do know that you want to be exactly like your favourite hockey player. I would say take a tip from them in regards to what to eat!! Let's look at some of players' fave suggestions.

Kyle Wellwood

I almost scratched this out and put "No one's favourite player is Wellwood" but hey, I'm sure his mom likes him. Anyways what would Wellwood eat? Everything. And then would rip apart Leafs Nation afterwards, making everyone in Toronto despise him.

Verdict? Following his food advice is strongly discouraged. Are you confused because you are neutral towards Wellwood, i.e. you've strayed down the wrong path in life and you...gag... are maybe even a fan of his? Read this and change paths immediately.

Patrick Sharp

Sharpie actually has numerous suggestions, ranging from hot dogs (whoa whoa whoa, I'm going to be judged for getting ketchup on my hot dog? This will not do...), some deep dish pizza or a beef sandwich (watch as they fully pull that beef out of the grease/water/fat/lard).



Verdict? Sharpie is nothing if not a huge stud but it is a wonder that he is not Kyle Wellwood's size eating like this. Keep in mind he burns off like 7000 calories zipping about the ice so chances are your lunch of hot dog, deep dish and hot italian beef will come with a side of heart attack

(Jumbo) Joe Thornton

Joe is just like you and me so he keeps it simple with some toast.

Verdict? You know what, strike that, he is not like you and me. No, not because he is really really good at hockey. Because he hasn't discovered the joys of spreadable butter and/or margarine.

Evgeni Malkin

Geno is clearly an uncomplicated little Russian delight and his food suggestion is just as uncomplicated

Verdict? This cuts down on time AND you don't even need any dishes? What? The idea is absolutely disgusting? Well that's rude of you.

Tyler Kennedy
I still forever hate TK for his cowardly ways when me and my friends met him in Pittsburgh but hey, I'm sure he is popular in the Sault. Anyways, if you would like to take a tip from him in regards to what to do when you get that feeling, go lick a stick.

Verdict? In retrospect, that's actually pretty inappropriate.. Muahahaha

Here are some other ones that didn't make the cut:

Chris Pronger: people's souls

Gary Bettman: all Canadians' hopes and dreams of another Canadian NHL team (bonus: he then cackles manically afterward)

Alex Ovechkin: whatever his mom cooks for him (note: depending on when you read this, if he is married, change it to "whatever his wife cooks for him" as his mom has been kicked out of the house, her job of cooking and cleaning having been filled by said wife)