Alternate Version of the Super Skills Competition

What with numerous All Stars getting hit by the injury bug and people not happy with their favourite players being left out slash their least favourite players being included, perhaps no one will be totally happy with the final roster come Friday's draft. However, this alternate version of the super skills competition allows for loads of more players with involved with the All Star weekend. The categories are slightly different and they are not necessarily "skills"...

Best Fake Smile
All players are included in this competition because, really, pretty sure they've all gotten at least one or two teeth knocked out over the years. However, secretive Sallies that they are, it's hard to tell what a lot of them look like with the missing teeth! As a result, the winner of this competition is one that is a bit more open about his hockey life...

Winner: Paul "BizNasty" Bissonnette. Thank god he has a dental plan.

Best Vehicle

Hockey players make a lot of money at a young age. What do most guys love to spend the dollar bills on? Cars. And good ones. We've got a lot of good participants in this category: Sidney Crosby has a Range Rover, Marc-Andre Fleury has a Lambourghini, Mike Rupp has a monster truck, Kris Versteeg has an Audi, JS Giguere has a Lexus SUV... Teemu Selanne has 23 cars! But who is the clear winner?

Winner: Mike Green and his Vespa Scooter

(because it takes a certain kind of guy to let an HBO documentary show film him on his little thing, whilst wearing moccasins.. oh right, also driving it in the wintertime.)

Best Genes
No, I don't mean another way of saying "Hottest Player". There is no way I would pick any other player than Crosby. I'm talking about the genes they pass along - i.e. players with the cutest kids. There are loads of possibilites since hockey players seem to start having kids at like 20 years old (seriously, Mark Letestu looks like a lil' baby and he is fully married to his pregnant wife). So who has the cutest kid??

Winner(s): Well, all kids are cute (that is not true at all but we'll pretend) but there has to be a a winner. It's a three-way tie between Pascal Dupuis, Ryan Kesler and Kevin Bieksa. How can you beat a kid in either full sound-blocking earmuff/head phones and little kid's in their dad's jerseys and toques. Adorable!

Best Movember/Playoff Stache-Growing Ability

Staches are a big part of the playoff rush and some guys excel (Max Talbot's fumanchu anyone?) while other's fall short (sorry Sid... you're still smokin hot but ew). But who leads the pack?

Winner: Cal Clutterbuck and the "Clutterstache"

(the stache is a phenom one, but what put him atop everyone else is the fact his stache has his own Twitter page)

-Honourable mention goes to George Parros, of course, for his always phenom stache growing ability. However he always has a stache, lessening its impressiveness during the playoffs. Now, if the category had been "Best Porn Star Stache", a certain Montreal Canadien would've taken the cake

Best Snuggle Partner

Hockey players are kinda pretty much studs. Who wouldn't want to date a hockey player? (What? They have reputations as being huge players that bang anything that moves? Okay, someone made the mistake of fooling around with the porn star above this and is just bitter...) That being said, lots of hockey players have quite the snuggle buddies to go home to: Mike Comrie has Lizzie McGuire Hilary Duff; Mike Fisher has Carrie Underwood; Scottie Upshall has Melanie Collins; Mike Modano has Willa Ford; not to mention all the guys who've got beautiful girlfriends/wives from their hometown slash college days. So who has the best snuggle buddy?

Winner: Sidney Crosby (who could get any girl he wanted... at least in Canada)

(Note: Please stop visualizing yourself as the Stanley Cup. Only I'm allowed to do that)