How Haven't I Seen This??

Extended Version of Team Doan vs Team Bissonnette Draft

Doan: "I feel for the guy that's picked last." Turns to BizNasty "What's it like getting picked last?" Hahaha

Check it out

Round Two

Team Doan chose Carey Price “Gotta keep it in the family”
Team Bissonnette “My boy Dustin Byfuglien”

Round Three

Team Doan – Jonathan Toews

Team Bossonnette – Patrick Sharp (“never met a bad guy from Thunder Bay and Taylor Pyatt vouches for him”)

Round Four

Team Doan – Shea Weber

Team Bissonnette – “”I’m getting nervous here! Sweating like Shane Doan at a spelling bee!” – Ace Venture Pet Detective Brent Burns (apparently Brent Burns ahs a lot of animals)

Round Five

Team Doan – Rick Nash

Team Bissonnette – Brad Richards

Round Six

Team Doan – Corey Perry

Team Bissonnette – Anze Kopitar (because of his tinted visor and Bisonnette “will be joining him and wearing a tinted visor…probably because I’ll be hung over”)

Round Nine

Team Doan – Jonas Hiller

Team Bissonnette – Tim Thomas (“I heard he likes his hamburgers and I like hamburgers”)

Round Ten

Team Bissonnette – Marc Staal (“another guy from New York City, maybe he knows some good bars…and he is from Thunder Bay AND he knows Taylor Pyatt. I love it!”)

Round Eleven

Team Doan – Alex Ovechkin (Bissonnette is not impressed)

Round Seventeen

Team Doan – Claude Giroux (BizNasty: “He took him because I wanted to take him!”)

Team Bissonnette – Loui Eriksson

Round Eighteen

Team Doan – Phil Kessel

BizNasty’s Response: “So I get stuck with Backes? No no, I actually don’t mind him…(makes a face)… I’d rather swap that for Cam Janseen, my dancing partner!”

Lil extras at the end:

BizNasty - (for one of his choices) *I* don't play against him a lot but *my team* plays against him

Doan - Gotta pick one of the Sedins, I don't know which one, I'll just go with the one that has more goals.
BizNasty - Stop name dropping.

Doan - I'm going to go with Zdeno Chara
BizNasty - That's a rookie mistake cause he's such a big guy, that's gonna be an expensive bar tab the night before

BizNasty - Marc-Andre Fleury, played with him!
Doan - Surprise, I can't believe you want the Pittsburgh guy (huge sarcasm)
BizNasty - Played 15 games with Pittsburgh the year they won the cup so technically I'm a Stanley Cup champion with him. So he's on my team.

Doan - Matt Duchene, gonna be a good player
BizNasty - Another rookie mistake! Young guy, probably can't handle his booze, [Doan's] gonna have to take care of him all night

• BizNasty is clearly a genius as Matty did overindulge in the vodka!

Matty Matty Matty...

Oh Matt Duchene, you lil' 20 year old wonder. Apparently you celebrated with the big boys after the draft on Friday night...

What's the drinking age in the States again? Rebeeeeeeel!

All Star Game - The Game!

6:56 - Team Lidstrom wins the All-Star Game 11-10
-Team Lidstrom came back from a 4-0 start to the game to win 11-10
-Thomas is mic-ed up so you get to hear all the guys congratulating each other
-3 Stars of the game:

1. Patrick Sharp (MVP!! and with it, a newww carrrrr)
2. Eric Staal
3. Loui Eriksson

6:54 - Team Lidstrom leads 11-10
-Captain Staal puts his team within one with his second goal of the night!
-34 seconds to go!!
-crowd is going wild for their hometown captain
-Skinner is out on the ice for one last chance at a goal
-Eric Staal mic-ed up "COME ON SKINNY!!"


6:53 - Team Lidstrom leads 11-9
-Lundqvist left the net to give Team Staal an extra attacker but within a few seconds, Eriksson gets his second of the night - an empty netter - to put Team Lidstrom up 2 goals

6:50 - Team Lidstrom leads 10-9
-Ovechkin had a bad giveaway and Kaner snapped it up for a breakaway but Lunqvist made the save


6:49 - Team Lidstrom leads 10-9
-big play by Keith to block Eric Staal's shot from Letang to keep his team in the lead


6:47 - Team Lidstrom leads 10-9
-Rick Nash scores to make it a one goal game
-Unfortch, Lidstrom was on the ice so he's back down to an embarrassing +7. Tsk, Tsk




6:45 - Team Lidstrom leads 10-8
-Marty St Louis beats Lundqvist to give Team Lidstrom a 2 goal lead
-Lidstrom was on the ice for the goal - he is now +8. Holy. Crap.

6:41 - Team Lidstrom leads 9-8
-Danny Briere's kid is getting interviewed - he looks SO MUCH like his dad!
"Did you think your dad was going to score two goals in the game"
"No"

6:38 - Team Lidstrom leads 9-8
-I couldn't even finish writing about Briere's goal when Captain Serious scores!
-Toews does a nice lil' spin-o-rama, kick to stick and goal on Lundqvist
-holy crap, Weber and Lidstrom were both on the ice for Toews' goal - they are both sitting at 
+7 now!!


6:37 - Teams Tied 8-8
-Team Staal didn't hold that lead for long - Danny Briere gets his second of the night as well
-on the goal, Weber gets his fourth assist of the game, giving him a +6 rating (also gives Lidstrom a +6 rating as well)

6:35 - Team Staal Leads 8-7
-LETANG SCORES HIS SECOND!!!
-looked like Letang was going to pass to Skinner who was in on the rush but he whipped it past Thomas
-Skinner got an assist to give him at least a point in his first all star game, the youngest player ever to play in an all star game of the four major North American sports

6:29 - Teams Tied 7-7
-HNIC was chatting with Price and they asked about his conversations with Fleury yesterday, makingly regarding the game winning celebrations
-Price said that they were just making light of it and that they were planning on both doing it at the end of the breakaway challenge (but never got the chance)

6:27 - Teams Tied 7-7
-Duchene got a break away and Ovechkin decided to try and stop him....by just chucking his stick at him hahaha
-needless to say, Duchene is getting a penalty shot
-Lundqvist makes the save!

6:26 - Teams Tied 7-7
-Ovechkin took a little tumble crossing the blue line


6:25 - Teams Tied 7-7
-Tim Thomas made a huge save on Skinner before but the hometown crowd got their excitement with a big goal from Eric Staal, tying up the score (assisted by Perry and Nash)
-HUGE cheer for the announcement of Staal's goal

6:23 - Team Lidstrom leads 7-6
HNIC - "You know how badly they want that kid to score right?"
Thomas - "I know! I just don't want to look too bad!"

6:19 - Start of the Third - Team Lidstrom leads 7-6
-here we goooooooo
-Lundqvist and Thomas are in net
-Thomas is mic-ed up and doing some commentary for HNIC. He is just chatting up a storm - focused on stopping goals and talking it up, what a superstar.

5:57 - End of the Second - Team Lidstrom leads 7-6
-Rude! They took away an assist from Patrick Sharp!
-despite the robbery, Sharp still leads in points with 3 (1G,2A)
-Shea Weber and Nick Nidstrom are both +5
-Marc Staal is -4 (during the game, they played Eric yelling at someone for being "at least -5" [I think was the number he used], pretty sure it was broskie ribbing)
-shots are 31-30 for Team Lidstrom

5:52 - Team Lidstrom leads 7-6
-breakaway central! Eriksson gets a breakaway one way and his denied and then Nash gets a breakaway the other way and is robbed as well



5:51 - Team Lidstrom leads 7-6
-Jeff Skinner had a quasi-break away and almost got that goal but Hiller denied him. Give him a goal!


5:50 - Team Lidstrom leads 7-6
-Danny Briere gives Team Lidstrom their first lead of the game on a goal assisted by Captain Canuck

5:47 - Teams tied 6-6
-Stamkos gets his first all-star goal of his career for Team Lidstrom assisted by TB teammate Marty St Louis (and Brad Richards)

5:46 - Staal's Team leads 6-5
-Eric Staal is a jack-of-all-trades for this game - he's giviner on the ice and he is also mic-ed up and is an on-bench AND on-ice commentator (at least for HNIC)
-the commentators joked that they were going to get Staal to do this for the playoffs and he just laughed: "Yeah that's not gonna fly"

5:44 - Staal's Team leads 6-5
-during the commerical break, Letang went over to apologize to Hiller for the accidental face shot. What a classy guy!


5:42 - Staal's Team leads 6-5
-right after getting hit in the face, Hiller makes a huge save on Jeff Skinner
-Team Staal REALLY wants to get Skinner a goal



5:40 - Staal's Team leads 6-5
-wow a 3-0 for Team Lidstrom leads to an easy goal for Kopitar but Price nearly makes the save!!
-it's Kopitar's second goal of the game
-Letang tried to get his second goal of the gae and hit Hiller RIGHT in the face. Whoops.

5:36 - Staal's Team leads 6-4
-Carey Price has already made 10 save so far. He's a wall!
-Toews almost ruined Price's 1.00 save percentage thus far but he hits the post!



5:33 - Staal's Team leads 6-4
-TANGER SCORES!!!!
-Oveckin fired down the ice, passed to (Daniel) Sedin to passed it to Tanger who whipped it past Hiller to give his team a 2 goal lead!

5:28 - Staal's Team leads 5-4
-Patrick Sharp gets his first goal of the game to add to the 3 assists he has to give him at least a 4 point game for today - he is on fiiiiiiiiiiiire!
-TEAM THUNDER BAY!

Sharpie deserves some stars for the game today for sure!

5:26 - Start of the Second Period
-here we gooooooo
-Carey Price is on for Team Staal; Jonas Hiller is in net for Team Lidstrom

5:00 - End of the First - Tied 4-4
-teams are tied 4:4 after Team Staal had a 4-0 lead and Team Lidstrom battled back
-Game leaders thus far: Patrick Sharp with 3 assists; Paul Stastny with 1 goal and 1 assist; David Backes with 2 assists
-shots are tied at 14 for each team
-first intermission entertainment is 3 Doors Down

4:55 - Tied 4-4
-Ward and Fleury are now both 8/12 on saves (each has allowed 4 goals on 12 shots)
-Team Staal really wants to get Jeff Skinner a goal - he has had some great opportunities and shots but Fleury has denied him. The arena is going to go NUTS if he scores!

4:52 - Tied 4-4
-Duchene brought Lidstrom back into the game!! Assisted by his capitano!
-Team Staal has now "squandered" a 4-0 lead (as HNIC says - in an all star game, I don't think a 4 goal lead means much, they are *all stars*, stuff happens quick)
-Fleury has made some big saves since letting in the original 4 goals, allowing his team to come back

4:51 - Team Staal leads 4-3
-Team Lidstrom is fighting back
-Fleury made a huge save on Kesler and Ovechkin coming at him

4:38 - Team Staal leads 4-0
-WHERE ARE FLOWER'S D-MEN!!
-Sharpie is already at 3 points in the game (3A)

More ASG Weekend Updates - Day 2

Alex Ovechkin is a sneaky little devil...

People aren't pleased with the Blackhawks dynamic duo. Both of them weren't on the ball for their accuracy challenge (Toews vs Sharpie and Kaner vs Eric Staal). Toews started late and, as he said "had only gotten 2 shots off by the time Sharpie had hit all four targets" so he got a redo and then beat Sharp (people are calling him a baby) and then basically the same thing happened with Kaner and Staal, with Kane beating Staal in the redo (umm home town crowd? Diiiiispleased)

NHL.com is comparing people's love of Jeff Skinner with Bieber status. How dare you insult Jeff Skinner in such a way. (This gal does *not* have Biever fever. If you do... yikes). Favourite part of the piece that they did in it (watch it here) is at the end when one tween says: "I like your shoooooooooooes!"

He IS such a little cutie - he just looks so happy and excited!

PK Subban tried some nifty moves for the breakaway challenge - that being donning Jeff Skinner's jersey to get the crowd on his side. The crowd loved it. Flower... well, he might've thought it was funny, but not funny enough to let Subbam get the puck past him. (Flower also spun like a ballerina. Love him)



During the hardest shot competition, Ovechkin took a lil' tumble but managed to just make fun of himself. Then on his second attempt, he broke his stick so when he got to go again, instead of taking a stick from the trainer, he took Kris Letang's stick (he likes taking Penguins' sticks - anyone remember his breakaway challenge accessories last year?) THEN his first attempt with Tanger's stick didn't register so he had to go AGAIN.  What did you think happened then? Yep, didn't register again. (The video is just his fall though lol)



Speaking of falling, during the fastest goalie competition, Tim Thomas also fell. But umm hi, have you seen what those guys wear? I would have fallen trying to put my helmet on.

Did you miss any of the Super Skills events from last night? This YouTube channel has all the events uploaded.

Flower and Ovi Both Shine

Flower was Ovechkin's goalie for the breakaway challenge, and while Ovi might've won, Flower was stealing some spotlight with his jumping jacks and sprawling save attempts

Speaking of Fleury, he was a Chatty Cathy today.

 "Price Price Baby" and Flower's rebuttal long forgotten

Besties even when against one another!

ASG Draft Highlights

-I think by now everyone knows the major news from the draft - Cam Ward was the first overall pick and Steven Stamkos was the second first round pick. The Sedin brothers have finally been broken up. Jeff Skinner is the cutest thing alive. Sharpie bragged about getting picked one before Toews. Kessel was dead last.

But there are a few that you might of missed:

-They did SO many closeups of Johnny T leading up to him getting drafted and he was clearly an impatient lil guy. But the close ups did reveal something about Captain Serious: Johnathan Toews is a weirdy type...

-Poor Letang was nervous and almost tripped on his way up to the stage when he was called



-Kessel was picked last and made everyone cringe and feel awkward (or at least did it to me) when he walked up the steps and made it all the way to his seat and fully sat down before he realized that he was being called repeatedly for an interview

• speaking of which, DownGoesBrown had a hilarious tweet from right before Kessel was chosen (at least I giggled)

 
-Marc Staal jokingly publically called his broskie out for not picking him first round and said he'd never buy him a Christmas or birthday present again and called him classless (Big Bro Eric responded by saying his next pick for the  draft was "...from the New York Rangers!!...Henrik Lundqvist!") but I am lovin' the Staal bro's reunited (also, Team Thunder Bay reunion with Sharpie on the team!)



-Speaking of Sharpie, Patrick Sharp's parents are basically the cutest things ever and made it through hell and high water (is that the saying...?) to get to Raleigh to cheer on their son (they flew from Thunder Bay to Minneapolis and then to Newark but their connection from Newark to Raleigh was canceled! They met some new besties on the flight and they all rented a van and drove down to Raleigh together - from midnight to 8 am to make it from Newark to Raleigh)

-Subban is a wee bit jumpy...

-Flower and Tanger are going to be facing each other, being on opposite teams. In the post-draft interviews, Fleury donned a "Kris Letang" name tag and pretended to be him, saying "I'm really scared to shoot on Fleury, he's got some good moves". French jokester!

PS - The Pens website just gave an update on Crosby and he's been cleared for light workouts. Yesssssssssss. I'm still being optimistic and hoping he will be back to play Tuesday. I dream big.

Way to Go Toronto

If you're not in first place, you're in last place (You should remember that Ovechkin)...

Kessel gets a car for getting picked last. Ovechkin gets a face punch for being a dick.

Team Biz Nasty for the Win

Watch this mock draft with Doan and Bissonnette as captains. Hilarious!

I LOVE BizNasty's reaction to Ovechkin being drafted.

Amazing Article

Great interview with Ray Shero. Give it a read!

Some highlights:

"Before the 2008 draft, there was a story going around that we had a deal going with L.A. to trade Evgeni Malkin...So it was funny because I got a call the day before the draft from Dean saying, “Ray, obviously, we’re supposed to be talking about Malkin. Should I be calling you?” [Laughing] I said, “Nope, you shouldn’t be calling me.” That’s exactly how far that went."

"When someone says something about Evgeni, I mean *points up to the rafters at CONSOL Energy Center*, there’s the Stanley Cup banner."

(in response to asking if players ever get mad about the rating Shero and Bylsma give them after games) "Some guys have a really bad game and they get a one! Tough. What are they gonna do, call their mom? This is hockey. They'll get over it."

Alternate Version of the Super Skills Competition

What with numerous All Stars getting hit by the injury bug and people not happy with their favourite players being left out slash their least favourite players being included, perhaps no one will be totally happy with the final roster come Friday's draft. However, this alternate version of the super skills competition allows for loads of more players with involved with the All Star weekend. The categories are slightly different and they are not necessarily "skills"...

Best Fake Smile
All players are included in this competition because, really, pretty sure they've all gotten at least one or two teeth knocked out over the years. However, secretive Sallies that they are, it's hard to tell what a lot of them look like with the missing teeth! As a result, the winner of this competition is one that is a bit more open about his hockey life...

Winner: Paul "BizNasty" Bissonnette. Thank god he has a dental plan.

Best Vehicle

Hockey players make a lot of money at a young age. What do most guys love to spend the dollar bills on? Cars. And good ones. We've got a lot of good participants in this category: Sidney Crosby has a Range Rover, Marc-Andre Fleury has a Lambourghini, Mike Rupp has a monster truck, Kris Versteeg has an Audi, JS Giguere has a Lexus SUV... Teemu Selanne has 23 cars! But who is the clear winner?

Winner: Mike Green and his Vespa Scooter

(because it takes a certain kind of guy to let an HBO documentary show film him on his little thing, whilst wearing moccasins.. oh right, also driving it in the wintertime.)

Best Genes
No, I don't mean another way of saying "Hottest Player". There is no way I would pick any other player than Crosby. I'm talking about the genes they pass along - i.e. players with the cutest kids. There are loads of possibilites since hockey players seem to start having kids at like 20 years old (seriously, Mark Letestu looks like a lil' baby and he is fully married to his pregnant wife). So who has the cutest kid??

Winner(s): Well, all kids are cute (that is not true at all but we'll pretend) but there has to be a a winner. It's a three-way tie between Pascal Dupuis, Ryan Kesler and Kevin Bieksa. How can you beat a kid in either full sound-blocking earmuff/head phones and little kid's in their dad's jerseys and toques. Adorable!

Best Movember/Playoff Stache-Growing Ability

Staches are a big part of the playoff rush and some guys excel (Max Talbot's fumanchu anyone?) while other's fall short (sorry Sid... you're still smokin hot but ew). But who leads the pack?

Winner: Cal Clutterbuck and the "Clutterstache"

(the stache is a phenom one, but what put him atop everyone else is the fact his stache has his own Twitter page)

-Honourable mention goes to George Parros, of course, for his always phenom stache growing ability. However he always has a stache, lessening its impressiveness during the playoffs. Now, if the category had been "Best Porn Star Stache", a certain Montreal Canadien would've taken the cake

Best Snuggle Partner

Hockey players are kinda pretty much studs. Who wouldn't want to date a hockey player? (What? They have reputations as being huge players that bang anything that moves? Okay, someone made the mistake of fooling around with the porn star above this and is just bitter...) That being said, lots of hockey players have quite the snuggle buddies to go home to: Mike Comrie has Lizzie McGuire Hilary Duff; Mike Fisher has Carrie Underwood; Scottie Upshall has Melanie Collins; Mike Modano has Willa Ford; not to mention all the guys who've got beautiful girlfriends/wives from their hometown slash college days. So who has the best snuggle buddy?

Winner: Sidney Crosby (who could get any girl he wanted... at least in Canada)

(Note: Please stop visualizing yourself as the Stanley Cup. Only I'm allowed to do that)

Whoopsies..

Yikes, mutiny!

It's never cool when a player, no matter who it is, gets hurt and getting hit by a stick or puck would effing blow but... mmm this video makes it look like he doesn't even get hit by anything. Probs not a good idea of NHL.com to put it under the Top Headlines of the night section. But he was sporting a dent in slash on his face after the game

Vomit.

Updates Galore

Firstly, Happy Australia Day!!

Lots of random factoids to catch up on!

Firstly, Pens-Islanders game last night. Flower was an absolute wall, what a stud. He blanked the Islanders for a 1-0 win over Tavares and Co, giving the Pens their second win in a row without the two headed monster, Malkin and Crosby. Craig Adams had the lone goal for the Pens but I am going to give credit to the more famous Adams man



Seems like All Stars are dropping like flies - along with Crosby and Malkin out (and Iggy for personal reasons), so are Enstrom, Hemsley and Eberle. But with their loss comes others gains and Briere, Yandle and Havlat have all been named as replacements. Even more exciting is that Jeff Skinner is getting the call up - he was originally one of the players chosen as one of the rookies for the SuperSkills competition but he instead is going to be a full fledged All Star - pretty good for the youngest payer in the NHL. With the loss of Eberle from the rookies, PK Subban was named as a replacement and will participate in the Super Skills competition.

Also Skinner is from Markham and Subban is from Toronto so yay for more hometown boys in Raleigh!

Let's see what else..

...Letang is a stud

...Nabokov is is biiiiig trouuuubleeeee (though who can blame him for not wanting to go play for the Islanders)

...the Bolts blanked the Leafs (not news at all, expected) but at least the Leafs didn't go down without a fight. Phaneuf rocked Tyrell and sent him right into the Leafs bench



...Peter Forsberg may return to the NHL! He has been practicing with his old team, the Avs, though there has been no confirmation as to whether or not he is returning. I wonder if him returning means the return of love notes to his mailbox from a certain reality star (I use the word star with hesitation ps)



...this is not new but I didn't know about it before. All State has a bunch of videos of "All State All-Canadians" talking about nutrition, training, general hockey experiences, etc. They also included an interesting lil' article on which Canadian city cranks out the most NHL players:

Taking Diving to a Whole New Level...

Well, "Alex the Great" didn't get a gold in Vancouver so he clearly is practicing for a gold in London in diving... (hahaha such a lame joke, I realize, but I had to)

Anyone watch the Caps game last night? I sure as heck didn't but I come across this lil' gem this morning. PensBlog makes a perfect point - this lil' gem will come in handy when a doucehbag Caps fan inevitably accuses Crosby of being a diver.

Click here for the full size gif

Classy Habs Fans

And I'm not being sarcastic!!

I'm obviously not a huge Habs fan but like I've said before, I don't hate them unconditionally the way other Leafs fans do (that is now saved for the Ottawa Senators, whom I will never. ever. ever. cheer for). ANYWAYS, this past weekend was the big return to Montreal for Saku Koivu, who played for the Habs for 13 years and was their captain for 9 (that sounds about right. I watched his adorable interview on Hockey Night in Canada and they said his playing career but I'm not going to go look it up. My apologies if that's wrong).

So yeah, Habs fans are passionate and some people were a bit worried that they would boo him when he came on to the ice but, in a classy move, they did not. They did just the opposite.

This obviously reminds me of Sundin's return to Toronto when he too got a standing O and was moved to tears. Meanwhile, I also tear up when I see it.



Anddddd come on, never one to resist a chance to hate on the other Eastern Canada NHL team... Let's think about what happened in Ottawa earlier this year when one of their vetran players made his big return...

I know, I know, Heatley screwed Ottawa over a bit but you know what, he clearly wanted to leave for personal reasons (though he still has yet to inform anyone of those reasons) and... this may be blasphemy to say but Sundin also screwed Toronto over a bit, taking so long to decide whether or not he was returning and then, when he did, going to Vancouver instead, leaving Toronto with nothing in return for losing him (except cap space) but hi, its a business and unfair deals happen all the time. (Who was Patrick Sharp traded for again...?)

Hungry for Hockey

It's 12:00... Do you know where your kids are? No, not midnight, I mean noon. Lunchtime. And you have no idea what you want to eat but you do know that you want to be exactly like your favourite hockey player. I would say take a tip from them in regards to what to eat!! Let's look at some of players' fave suggestions.

Kyle Wellwood

I almost scratched this out and put "No one's favourite player is Wellwood" but hey, I'm sure his mom likes him. Anyways what would Wellwood eat? Everything. And then would rip apart Leafs Nation afterwards, making everyone in Toronto despise him.

Verdict? Following his food advice is strongly discouraged. Are you confused because you are neutral towards Wellwood, i.e. you've strayed down the wrong path in life and you...gag... are maybe even a fan of his? Read this and change paths immediately.

Patrick Sharp

Sharpie actually has numerous suggestions, ranging from hot dogs (whoa whoa whoa, I'm going to be judged for getting ketchup on my hot dog? This will not do...), some deep dish pizza or a beef sandwich (watch as they fully pull that beef out of the grease/water/fat/lard).



Verdict? Sharpie is nothing if not a huge stud but it is a wonder that he is not Kyle Wellwood's size eating like this. Keep in mind he burns off like 7000 calories zipping about the ice so chances are your lunch of hot dog, deep dish and hot italian beef will come with a side of heart attack

(Jumbo) Joe Thornton

Joe is just like you and me so he keeps it simple with some toast.

Verdict? You know what, strike that, he is not like you and me. No, not because he is really really good at hockey. Because he hasn't discovered the joys of spreadable butter and/or margarine.

Evgeni Malkin

Geno is clearly an uncomplicated little Russian delight and his food suggestion is just as uncomplicated

Verdict? This cuts down on time AND you don't even need any dishes? What? The idea is absolutely disgusting? Well that's rude of you.

Tyler Kennedy
I still forever hate TK for his cowardly ways when me and my friends met him in Pittsburgh but hey, I'm sure he is popular in the Sault. Anyways, if you would like to take a tip from him in regards to what to do when you get that feeling, go lick a stick.

Verdict? In retrospect, that's actually pretty inappropriate.. Muahahaha

Here are some other ones that didn't make the cut:

Chris Pronger: people's souls

Gary Bettman: all Canadians' hopes and dreams of another Canadian NHL team (bonus: he then cackles manically afterward)

Alex Ovechkin: whatever his mom cooks for him (note: depending on when you read this, if he is married, change it to "whatever his wife cooks for him" as his mom has been kicked out of the house, her job of cooking and cleaning having been filled by said wife)

Sidney-less ASG

The Pens announced that Sid won't be attending the ASG this upcoming weekend (and all signs point to Malkin not being able to attend either). Let's see how long it takes people to say "Told you he would boycott it"



On the bright side, post-ASG, hopefully enough time will have passed that Sid will be ready to get back in the action and start racking up the points to surpass Stamkos again (Casper, the boy wonder, got a goal in his game last night to now surpass Sid and is sitting at 67 points. Dammit. And once again, I can't even hate him.)

ASG Alternate Captains

So Team Staal and Team Lindstrom picked their alternate captains and they choices were announced today

I don't know about anyone else but I'm definitely surprised by the choices - St Louis and Kesler I can definitely see, they're both already alternate captains for their respective teams so for sure but I didn't see Patty Kane and Green coming at all. Staal obvioulsy had to choose a d-man for one of his alternates but I definitely thought it was going to be Keith (but then I guess he couldn't have chosen Kesler). Anyways, we already know what it's going to come down to: which choice is cooler...

Well, now that Sid and Ovechkin (and Stamkos I guess, we'll throw him into that mix) all are up for grabs for the draft (at least for now... is it too optimistic to think that Crosby will make the game?) you know the next week is going to be full of the never-been-done before "Sid-vs-Ovie: Who will get picked first?!" debate.

Side note... it finally happened last night... It took a solid two weeks of him being sidelined because of random players using his head as a body-check-target but someone has finally caught up to Sid in the points. Obv it's Stamkos which is just hard on me because I really want to hate him and have only loyalty to Crosby butttt Stamkos is basically from around the corner of me when compared to Crosby. Drat.

Ottawa and Philly

Apparently they were going for a wayback playback to the ultimate hockey brawl in last night's game, even though Philly was up 6-2. It was no where near as intense as the last brawl but hey, whatevs

See? Not up to snuff of the 2004 brawl (watch it here!) but I enjoy seeing players on either team getting beaten up so woo!

"Leafs Look to Begin Playoff Push"

Let's see here.... Heading for the Leafs-Rangers game:

And the score of that game after 40 minutes...

*Sigh.*

What A Morning to Wake Up To

I went to bed last night apparently living under a stupid rock because how did I miss THIS!?

It blows that he got two head shots and the league took no action against them but skipping the all-star game and letting fans down isn't Crosby's style at all. Luckily, his agent got hold of the news of this article and put our minds to rest - uhhh not true at all, thanks. However, what will be really frustrating is if Crosby really isn't well enough to take the ice for the All-Star game (= my soul dying, as Stamkos is only *5* points behind Crosby now. Mother Eff), there are a huge chunk of people now who won't believe him and will say he is faking it to make a point. God damn David Shoalts.

UPDATE: This is what Crosby himself said in response to that allegation:

On a report that he’s angry the NHL didn’t punish the two headshots and won’t participate in the All-Star Game:
That’s not even close (to accurate). I’ll be there if I can be there and still haven’t ruled out being there. Hopefully, in the next few days things get better. There’s a slight chance I can still be back for that. That’s what I’m hoping. If I can be there, I’ll be there.

Speaking of All-Star news, they announced the captains and sure enough, the captains are Sidney Crosby and Jonathan Toews... Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin... Sidney Crosby and Steven Stamkos... Jonathan Toews and Alex Ovechkin... Eric Staal and Nicklas Lindstrom!

At first I was quite taken aback - both are more than worthy of being captains but whoa whoa whoa, the league actually not including Crosby and Ovechkin in the captain choice? Have they forgotten their main marketing campaign? Then I pushed the stupid rock off of me and remembered the All-Stars are the ones who got to vote in captains. Ahhh, all is right in the world again.

Gary Roberts Is Coming for You

You just know that the second he hears about this, he is going to just shake his head in horror and immediately start the yelling into the phone..

The cool thing HBO's "24/7" displayed was the real behind-the-scenes Crosby, one he often shields from the public. The back-and-forths with Sid on the plane were classic, even down to him eating Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Hershey caught wind of that.

"In a day, we must have had 50 cases of these things," Shero said, laughing. "I swear to God, guys are still eating them."

(Meanwhile, that sounds like my dream come true. If Coffee Crisps were thrown into that mix. Mmmmmmm)

Too. Much. Man.

Side note: this is also amazing. Muahahhaa Carey Price, you shouldn't be so cocky. (This may be old news but I didn't see it before, I was clearly distracted by Flower rubbing it in Price's face. Look at those Frenchies, banding together!)

All-Star Countdown!

11 days and counting!

PS - After getting this on thescore.com, obviously I was mourning Cabbie and was lurking his stuff on the Marilyn Dennis show and helllllllo, still going hockey interviews!!! Watch his interviews with some players on beauty secrets. I love him.

Hat Trickery!

Apparently this season is the year of the hat trick because it seems that just everyone is intent on getting them. Let's honour some of the receipt goal greedy little friends:

Chara - Oh Gigantabeast, you scare me so much. Your vertical immensity obviously scared the goalie away.


Bobby Ryan obviously took a time out from skate pencil sharpening to get anooooother hat trick. Getzlaf who? (Just kidding, he's a hottie, I would never forget him)



There are more but I'm going to give the hat trick award to John Tavares, who got his (natural) hatty in a span of 5 minutes and 46 seconds

(I tried to find a funny video of Tavares, but other than his one with Subban, I couldn't really find anything! Soul crushing. This one will have to do...)

(His stache is almost better than Sid's)

Four Best Ways to Increase NHL Popularity

In Canada, we're set. We don't need any fancy promotions or huge sales on tickets to get us to go to games (actually, forget that, *I* need those huge sales to get me to go to a game... because otherwise I can't afford it - a full weekend in Pittsburgh and lower bowl seats to the Pens game was cheaper than going to a Leafs game. Dammit). However, once you go further south to where ice is not happening, pretty sure its only natural that hockey isn't going to be as popular. So yeah, the NHL has tried a few different tricks to lure people in...


Ice Girls
Ummm, i.e. basically cheerleaders wearing very little that shovel off the ice during breaks. Don't get me wrong, I am one who believe that cheerleading is a real sport - I've seen those competitions; I've seen 'Bring It On'; they don't eff around. So I will change that to hotties with bodies wearing very little. Anyways, this makes COMPLETE sense - more guys will come to the games to watch these ladies. Of course, they are in an effing ice rink and are barely wearing any clothes but... the guys will still watch them when they get frost bite, right?




Take Teams Out of Canada, Where Hockey is Our National Sport, and Move Them to Thriving Hockey Towns.... Like Dallas
When you think Texas, what do you think? Umm hi Varsity Blues, you think football. When you think Nashville, you also...well, I don't know anything about football actually, but I would say when you think the South, you don't think hockey - Carrie Underwood informs me of this (they can't keep ice cold!)

Make a Super Hero for Each NHL Team to Attract Comic Book Fans!
You know what, on paper, maybe this is a good idea. And actually, I've asked a few comic fan friends of mine about this and they think its cool. But then I followed with "Do you want to watch the game with me then???" which was greeted with a blank stare and a "Uhhh no. Why would I want to do that?"

"He is also a huge douche!

Just a quick recap of some of my fave descriptions of the Guardians or whatever ridiculous thing they are running this as (umm ps... sorry if you like this idea... you're a weirdo but to each his own... just move past this to the last great idea):

• "The Canadien is a ladies' man, culturally refined and quite simply the best at everything he's ever attempted." - WHO EFFING WROTE THIS!?!!? I'm preeeeeeetty sure someone in Montreal is giggling about how they were able to get away with that rewrite. 
• "Although the Bruin gives off a blue collar vibe, he is one of the well-educated Guardians." - So some of the Guardians are stupid. I think I already knew this.
• "Normally he exhibits a low-key almost passive nature choosing to avoid conflict." - Uhh he's a SHARK! i.e. number one nightmare of my life! "Avoid Conflict"

I'm very excited to see Toronto's Guardian... A leaf...

Have Hockey Players Pose (Nearly) Nude for Magazine Shoots
Well... hello there.... Sorry what? Oh, yeah no, this is a fantastic idea. Not kidding. Keep up the good work - make the Penguins do this...

Getting Even with Goalie.

So.... riddle me this dilemma: this goalie is getting a bit too cocky (or perhaps he is your own goalie and is busting out some amazing taunts with his little French accent during the shootout or perhaps he is a big douche that thinks he's the man after making the shootout winning save) so it's time to knock him down a notch.

Note: This isn't cocky. This is amazing. Please be careful to differentiate the difference from cockiness and just pure skill and French hilarity.

But how? Here are some helpful ideas:

You are the top team in the league and are playing against one of the bottom teams in the league. Yet somehow, they have managed to force a shootout - with a rookie goalie!! Rude. What to do?
Well... this isn't a common problem but hey, it happens! Guess what move goalies really hate when it comes to a shoot out? The spin-o-rama!! You know what they hate even more? When you score using a spin-o-rama move!


Bonus: Have your highly skilled, Olympian teammate mock the rookie goalie. Perhaps saying something along the lines of "Be quiet rookie."

You were the defending Stanley Cup Champions but your dreams of two Cups in a row was ruined by those damn Habs. Now, you are playing your last game of the following season against them and are in serious danger of getting swept by them! How can you taunt them when, WHEW, you win the game?
This one is a tough one... Wait, does their goalie get a little bit over-confident sometimes and did he maybe bust out a cocky celebratory pose at the end of your last game against him? Ever heard the statement, "Karma's a bitch". Do the exact same pose to him. Sucker.



It was my first time in the playoffs in my NHL career and everyone expected me to lead the team to the Stanley Cup - even though, like I said, *first time in the playoffs*. Instead, we were eliminated in the first round by the Ottawa Senators. Now, a year later, we are facing them again and they've made a massive mural of the handshake line from last year when they eliminated us - and its right by our locker room. Clearly we need to take revenge on the goalie
You're right, you should blame the goalie - why? I think the question is, why not. Anyways, the Senators you say? Hahaha oh kid, there is no need for *you* to get revenge on the goalie. Let their d-men do it for you.



Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm a goalie and we're not the bad guys!! I used to have this jerk stand in front of my crease all the time, waving his arms around like a buffoon, trying to distract me. What do you mean, "No respectable hockey player would actually do that?" LOOK!

See?! Told you!

Wow... uh... sorry bud. Really didn't believe you on that one. You know what.... I would maybe just go home to your Stanley Cup rings and gold medals and take the high road - just ignore him. I mean... when you think about what you've accomplished and... actually, eff that, this guy is a prick. Spear him between the legs if he does it again:

 andddd down.

YESSS!!

Anyone watch the Pens game tonight? Let's recap what the best moment of it was...

...nope, not Jordan Staal getting his first point of the season (an assist)...

...nope, not Jordan Staal getting his first goal of the season... (Oh heyyyy three point night Staalsy, the flow is workin for ya!)

...nope, not Letestu dropping the mitts with PK Subban and just throwing his limp body down to the ice like it was a rag doll....

...nope, not Goligoski's almost hat trick (I totally believe he would've gotten it too in that last minute of the game if he hadn't been sent to the sin bin. Dammit)...

...hmm, what was it then? OH RIGHT, Fleury mocking Carey Price. Amaaaaaaaaazing

Miss it? Shame on you.



Ahahaha oh Flower, you clever little platypus.

"So..Can We Marry Each Other Now?"

Frig these two are the definition of a bromance.



PS: Still in mourning for Cabbie so I have to throw this one in there:

Oh Also...

Just because I love BizNasty



PS - Check out BizNasty's interview with Fox Sports Arizona about him making THN's Top 100 People and Influence list here. Fave line "I'm one here with a bunch of people I don't even know. Like who's this... Crows-by?"

Hoping for a Fourth in a Row!

Here's to hoping to a little return to the start of the season with a win tonight against San Jose! I'm lovin' the boys even more than usual right now because they are technically ahead of Ottawa as we speak, meaning Ottawa is in last place in the division. Muahahahaha

This video isn't exactly inspiration but too bad



Also, totally hoping for a Canucks win tonight - they needs to continue their beating of Detroit for first in the league. Here is some inspiration for them..

All-Star Roster!

Before I talk about the all-star roster, serious, what is with Pens-Bruins games and third period surges by the Bruins leading to the Pens losing? Hate!

Anyways, the roster has been released! Woo!

Here we go:

Forwards:

Umm hi!! How excited am I that Sharpie is going!!! Less excited about Kessel going.

Anyways, D-men:

I knew it was coming but still excited to see Tanger up there!!

Goalies:

No Luongo? :(

Annnnnnd Rookies: